ATENTO AMIGO: MIRTHA LEGRAND ES UNA VIEJA REACCIONARIA... Y ZULMA LOBATO ES DEL "PALO"

21/9/07

LOS 10 MANDAMIENTOS DEL FUTBOL CHACARERO

1 – Si puteas algún jugador de tu equipo, siempre deberás fingir la voz porque puede ser tu vecino, o el hijo del almacenero que te fía.

2 – Si te ofrecen los servicios de un jugador de renombre que está buscando el final de su carrera en las ligas menores, en el contrato incluirás una cláusula que lo obligue a teñirse el pelo una vez por semana para mostrarse intacto, por mas que haya pasado el tiempo.

3 – Para amenazar a un árbitro deberás ponerte una túnica del cantante Demis Russo. En caso de ser denunciado deberàs aclarar que lo hiciste obligado por el cura del pueblo y que lo único que querías era buscar la paz social.

4 – Si eres técnico y al llegar el entretiempo tu equipo está siendo derrotado, deberás tejer bufandas durante los 15 minutos de charla técnica para calmar tu angustia. Si esto no se detiene deberás llevar el tejido al banco de suplentes. Si esto no funciona, cuando finalice el partido no tomes en cuenta el mandamiento 5 y tomatelás con rumbo desconocido.

5 – No te reventarás el sueldo del mes yéndote de caravana con el arquero y el refuerzo traído de Rosario. Si eres descubierto por tu esposa cuando regreses a tu morada*, deberás cantarle dos canciones de Pimpinela para demostrarle que la quieres .(* morada te va a quedar la “que te jedi” si se dan cuenta donde estuviste)

6 – Para lograr clima antes de una final harás precalentar a tus jugadores en el vestuario acompañados del tema musical “Señora de las cuatro dècadas de Ricardo Arjona”. (en lo posible se sugiere armar una coreografía de Pepito Cibrían para que logren mayor elasticidad)”.

7 – Para combatir la mufa deberàs contratar un preparador Físico que tenga Tutuado en sus pectorales a las mellizas Legrand.

8 – No te complicarás a la hora de justificar una derrota, simplemente dirás: “si muchachos, nos fuimos de joda con los jugadores y vinimos a jugar de largo”

9 – Si eres arquero e intentan sobornarte, la primera vez muestrate ajeno; la segunda diles “por quien me están tomando”; la tercera pregunta cuanto ponen; y la cuarta se buen compañero y reparte con los demás.

10 – Las piedras lanzadas a los jueces de líneas deberán ser higienizadas y autorizadas por la Secretaría de Salud del pueblo. Si esa dependencia no existiese, necesitarás la firma de un curandero con diez años de trayectoria como mínimo.

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